~! A World of Love !
Live to Love, Love to Live ~
Its suppose to be a good day for mi .. but its not good at all... Why aint mi happy ... I haven been home for like 3 days as i went for a chalet and was busying with my Chinese Society event till now. Was really stressed and sleepy... I ran abt everywhere today in school . Was doing this n that n this n that... glad that i have my frenz with mi to help mi with various stuff . WAs pretty pissed off at one moment where i realised that i was the onli one busying while the other are resting. Maybe becos i'm stressed up that why i couldnt take this nonsense at this time .... i walked off to buy something n refused to talk after i return ... I'm glad that those that come down to help mi do all they can to help and do the best for everything... if not of them , my event might not be able to run so smoothly... Thanks For whoever that help mi out man .... I really appreciate that ...
And now i'm home, i cant even have a peace place to rest... the last thing i want is to quarrel with anyone... n there she goes again... its always like that .. she is always like that ... i dun know wat happen and i dun think i did anything wrong ... but i realised that no matter wat i did recently , she is unhappy with every single thing... she is always finding fault with the things i do .. N talking abt why my bf will dump mi ... i break off with him for a reason. N the feeling is quite neutral , its not becos of anyone ...or even though it might be ... its my life ... I believe i got a choice to choose wat i want to do and who i want to be.. Afterall, i'm the person living my own life, i dun want to end up regretting my life ....if u think that ur life is meserable with us around, u can jointly well go do what u like as well .. No one is stopping u .... or should i say , everyone is asking u to do so, but its just that u refuse ... so why complain... why go around and tell everyone how bad i am ... how useless i am ...I'm not useless. I'm playful, i admit. But i work as well ... its not like i spend everyday playing ...i work and play ... work hard ,play hard.. Though in the end , i exhaust myself .. but at least, i 'm living a life that i choose to live. So please dun come n interfer with mine....If u really think i'm a bad girl ... then go ahead ...cos that show how much u know mi ....I know u care... But its not the way to show care ... its not the way to show how much u love mi but tieing mi down ... cos it will never work ...
Still, i enjoyed myself for the past few days.. if its possible , i just hope that i could stay there for a longer period... the place is great with the pool rite in front where i can just swim whenever i want to....we eat, swim , cook, etc.... thought there is a purpose for us to be there... i'm basically taking it as a time to have a break in my busy life ... I make a couple of new frenz. got a lot of unneccessary attention for no reason... n got myself more confused and upset...one of my frenz say that i have lose myself by blindly following ....maybe you are rite... cos i have been very affected by watever he says, writes n does...of course i know wat i'm doing and have a plan in mind of how i want to due with it . but guess wat i need is a listening ear . A person to talk to .. a person to share my feeling with cos i dun want to express it out to someone... i just need to pour out everything cos i dun like to keep it to myself... cos i will feel terrible... i know and realised that i'm blessed cos everyone care for mi and just want to make sure that i'm happy .. i know u all care and are feeling unfair for mi ... of course getting irritated when i just refuse to get myself out of the shit that i am in ... sorry if i happen to disappoint anyone... cos i think i am ...but thanks for staying by my side .... Things have been getting more complicated... at least thats what i felt ... so guess i should learn to keep things to myself and stop sharing it with others so that i will not disappoint others further... if anyone want to know wat happen to mi ... they can jointly well read my blog ...
there are happy memories...maybe cos i'm greedy , thats y , i'm not satifisy with wat i have... i want more.... really wanted more ... maybe that y i'm upset ... but wat can i get ... there is nothing to be expect... Good thing , memories have been flowing through my mind once and again. with it ,comes along a thinking that why am i doing so much. will anybody actually appreciate wat i have done . I know i'm not the onli one thAT have done alot ... but i believe i'm one of them that have did my best to help.... or to make the day a wonderful one....maybe u did appreciate it ... but guess i didnt feel it .... or i'm just being greedy...maybe its a moody swing... which i hope it is ... guess i;m just not as important as i seem to be ... anyway, wat am i to u man... i;m really tired ... really tired .... loving a person is really tiring that why there are ppl who rather choose to be love , then to love... there are a lot of things that i want to say , but words just didnt come out of my mouth... or maybe i just dun have a chance to....just there are still a lot of things that i need to slot out ..i need more time to think through things ... or maybe , i need some peace .... a place that i will feel loved...
posted by Trish daydreaming at 5/08/2004 09:17:00 PM
