~! A World of Love !
Live to Love, Love to Live ~
PEACE
TRUE PEACE
There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest.
The King chose the second picture as the winner. The people asked the King how he could choose the second picture over the first. "Because," explained the king, "
Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart." "That is the real meaning of peace."
"Spirituality is the depth of your bliss in the midst of your problem."
Grandfather's advice
There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back.The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he was woken up by some noise. The next thing he realized was that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys' sounds on top of the tree and so he looked up.
To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.The hat-seller sat down and think of how he can get the hats down. He think and think, and started scratching his head.The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and fanned himself and the monkeys do exactly the same. An idea came to him. He took his hat and threw it on the ground and the monkeys do that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson also became a hat-seller and had heard of this monkey incident from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, very hot, took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. Again, when he woke up, he realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all his hats.
Remembering what his grandfather had told him, he starts scratching his head and the monkeys followed.He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the ground but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the ground, gave him a slap and said :
"You think only you have grandfather!
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stoppedand offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized
profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A Sales Rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the Sales Rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there for long.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Ah Beng
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said
to the other one. "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid. If you
don't believe me I'll show you." He called his driver Ah Beng over and
said, "Ah Beng, here is a $10 note, go to the car showroom and buy me
a Mercedes". To which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and
rushed off to the Showroom. The rich man then turned to his friend and
said, "See, I told you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I
will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home
now and check to see if I'm at home." To which Ali said, "Yes Sir!
Right away,Sir!" and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even
have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh,
you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me $10 and asked me to go
to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that
today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!"
Ali replied, "You think your boss is stupid? My boss lagi worse, he
asked me to go home to check if he is at home... He got handphone
what,he can just call up to check lah, bodoh!!!"
****************************************************
CAR
Beng and Seng exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to
remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Beng
asked, 'Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it.'
'No, that won't work' answered Seng. 'People will think we're trying
to break in.'
Then Beng suggested, 'What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the
rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?'
'No,' said Seng. 'People will think we're too dumb not to use a coat
hanger.'
The kan cheong Beng shouted, 'we'd better think of something fast.
It's starting to rain and the sunroof is open!'
******************************************************
PIZZA
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if she should cut it
in six or twelve pieces. Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
******************************************************
DEAD BIRD
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where, Where got?"
******************************************************
NOT MY BROTHER!
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no
longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The
babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's
name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!
Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks
the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
***************************************************
ITALIAN
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian
restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and
ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
posted by Trish daydreaming at 4/25/2004 03:20:00 PM
