~! A World of Love !
Live to Love, Love to Live ~
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Didnt realise that wat i have done has actually hurt someone else... Knowing that i make a promise but i didnt manage to keep it ... Knowing that he will be disappointed , but i still didnt turn up... He has a right to be angry with me. And beside the "magic word", i really dunno wat i can say...
I has always told myself that no matter wat mood u are in , dun let ur mood affect others. But realised that i'm always letting my mood affecting others... Others are always being hurt innocently by me... Of course, its my fault.. If i know that i cant keep the promise , i shouldnt have made it ... Why m i always like that...Feeling bad abt it when it had happened instead of stopping it for happening... Why do i have to be so stubborn n not just letting go my trouble so that everyone will not have to worry for me...
I have grown up , but in the eyes of others, there are always treating me like a child cos i behave like one... Everyone are giving in to me, making me happy but wat have i actually do for them ... beside making a fool out of myself and laughing non-stop everytime .. i'm basically a spoilt child... A child that seek for attention are refused to give any to others...
Seeing my frenz's blog this morning, i really feel very guilty ... Guilty that i actually put him down into the "bad mood" zone with me... Though i tried to convert a msg across to him , he dun seem to get it .. Maybe i should have tell him the truth ... i should have just called him and explain myself ... Why didnt i ??? Thats my mistake again ... Sms him just now to explain myself. Though he said its over and call mi to forget abt it , i know he is still angry ... n i deserve it ...but i dun mean it ... I really dun mean it ...
Hope that wat i has done didnt spoil our friendship .. Cos i will blame myself even more abt it ...
The problem that lies within me is that i cant let go.. Cant let things out ... I will keep blaming myself to the extent that i wun dare to call him again ... I know he is not so Petty , but its just me... Maybe i should just let go... instead of keeping everything to myself ... there are so many things that are hiding within me that i thought could let go .. till specially on certian days ... be it on festive seasons or important occassion ..it will just flash back into my mind again... N its hurts... It really hurt.... Things that i dun wish to happen has happened... N i didnt stop it from happening....
Feeling very bad now about wat i have done, just hope that he wun be too upset about my action... Dun be disappointed about me k , you are a frenz that i always treasure ... I know you wun bother if u didnt consider me as your frenz .. Cos u treasure our friendship too , thats y u r so pissed... Thats y , i feeling worst now... I really want to apologise abt it ...
Resting at home yesterday has really made me feel better ... body has some how recovered but my knee is still hurting... maybe cos i swim too much.... Its chinese new year , but i dun feel the festive mood at all... not at all.... my mum is sleeping while my father and brother are watching tv.. we are staying at home doing nothing.. so unusual ... N i'm still down with this mood swingy thing.. jus hope i wun unintentionally hurt another person...
Who actually know me??? Who can actually feel how i'm feeling now...I'm trying to be strong, but i'm hurt and upset.... but who actually can feel the deepest feeling that i have?? Maybe there wun be anyone .. cos i'm always keeping a lot of things to myself and refused to admit that i haven let go...
I'm sorry... TO all..
posted by Trish daydreaming at 1/22/2004 01:50:00 PM
